Expectation: The Ego’s Favorite Go-To
Expectation: The Ego’s Favorite Go-To
The ego (you know that inner voice that has been fed by outside sources since we were born, sidetracking us from our true direction and Higher Selves) has a bag full of tricks that are common among all human-kind. In fact, I believe it’s our ego that makes us human. It’s the part of us that gets fed by experience and gives us one sided advice later based on said experience. With that in mind, part of becoming a conscious human being – living from a heart space and not just our head, involves the process of learning to derail our ego from being our guidance system and learning to be faithful in our intuition instead. (Or whatever it is you call your connection to Source.)
I have found not only in my own experience but most of those around me that one of the ego’s favorite tools of separation is expectation.
For instance, you start a conversation with a new person, expecting it to go into a romantic direction, and it turns out they aren’t in that space. Then you’re left feeling disappointed, unwanted and maybe even unloved.
Or maybe you’re like me and get your hopes up for this “dream job position” that’s going to make life just perfect,
la-de-da-de-da.
After making it through rounds of eliminations, we don’t get the position after all. Leaving us feeling misguided, saddened and again disappointed or unwanted.
I could go on for days about all the different things we set out expectations for but if you’ll notice a pattern here – just about every time we get left feeling super crappy about ourselves.
Ego – 1. Us – Life sucks.
And that’s *exactly* where the ego wants us to be – victim mode. It’s how it stays alive. If we’re a victim then it gets to continue “protecting” us with all its several forms of not so helpful self sabotage.
How does one not be in expectation though?? << That my friends is potentially a million dollar question. Especially those of us who live in the self development world or whom are just natural optimists. We are taught or live by positive expectation. In fact, one of my very own favorite mantras is “Everything Is Working Out For Me”.
The easiest answer I’ve been able to come up with is a not so easy practice. Simple of course, but not easy. There’s this practice called unattachement. Which is basically the opposite of expectation but somehow I’ve figured out how to do both. I suppose it’s a part of living unconditionally. (Which I can elaborate on in a future blog.)
Until then I’m going to suggest that we do a word switch. Instead of expecting things to work out for us, what if we have this deep knowing that things are always working out for us. And by practicing not being attached to what “working out” looks like > it will always be true.
Allow me to give a recent example; Earlier this week I was reaching for my wallet to do my budgeting when I realized it wasn’t where I always put it. I look in my purse 6x and all over my car – it’s nowhere to be found. I call my roommate – Nope. Not at home either.
That’s when I remembered that the last place I left it was in the grocery cart the day before when I was shopping.
Well shit.
For a brief moment I allowed my mind to expect the worse. The wallet was going to be gone and so was the hundred plus dollars in cash I had in it. Before the momentum could get too quick in going all the directions of what I had intended to do with that $100 I decided to switch to positive expectation. I pulled out my handy dandy mantras of “Everything Is Working Out For Me” and “I’m Always Taken Care Of”.
Now I’ve practiced and meditated on these statements enough that they are no longer affirmations they are deep rooted knowings. So I decided to go about running my errands then I would swing by the grocery store where I would pick up my wallet with said hundred dollars and go about my way. But here’s the kicker! I had the honest conversation with myself, that even *if* my wallet was not at the store, my mantras are still true, and that despite the outcome I am well taken care of and hundreds of dollars are flowing to and from me always.
Sweet right? Well the story gets sweeter! On my way to the grocery store I get a call from an old friend. I almost didn’t pick up because I had no idea why this person would even be calling. But I picked up anyway, and long story short they needed my freelance skills for a quick job and offered to pay me – you got it … A hundred dollars. I get off the phone call right as I’m pulling in the parking lot of the grocery store, walk in to the customer service desk, they bring me my no longer missing wallet with of course, my hundred dollars cash inside.
So not only did I retain my belongings and money, but I made twice what I potentially thought was lost. And I never had to go through the nonsensical ego guilt trip and make myself feel like crap either! It’s a small scale story, but proof enough for me that this whole “living unconditional” thing works. Proof that having positive expectation, with a deep knowing that I’m way okay even when things don’t go *my way* … works. And it works really well.
Feel free to comment below your own story of positive expectation, and as always you’re encouraged to reach out for need in guidance.
Until next time,
Namaste.
